We were back in our house in Green Bay, one of the places I dread most in the world. We were all as old as we are now. It was as though we were stripped from this reality and were planted into this limbo. Somehow, in this dream, the universe brought the two of you back together but you were in your room crying because he had beaten you. I walked over to your door as he sat on the couch silent, planning how to get out of the mess he created.
"Mom? Open the door," I whispered. To my surprise, you opened it immediately and let me in. You didn’t shut me out like you had before. I held you as you cried in my arms. You finally stood up, grabbed a single bag of your belongings and said we were leaving for good. As soon as you opened the door, he sprinted up to stop you. My brothers quickly helped you outside as I attempted to distract him.
I sat him down on the couch. His eyes were frantic, moving back and forth searching for you. I held his hand and gently told him we were leaving. I cried with him and told him he had this last chance the universe granted him but the outcome still ended up the same and that he should find it in his heart to move on. I told him I was grateful for the short time we had together and that I loved him. And once again, I had to do the one thing that would haunt me for years to come…I left him in that grim and dark duplex alone.
I remember a scene in my dream where I’m watching my brothers and sister rummage through their new school supplies like little kids. Everyone seemed content. No one was angry that we had missed 80 days of school that year. No one was bitter that we would have to move to a new and strange place…because we all already knew things would be okay. We knew we would meet some of the best people in the world. We knew we would find a new home because we had already lived through it.
Some people fear the day of judgement. But how I’ve always seen it is that there is sometimes hell on earth. Hell on earth for me was that place and time. Hell on earth was once called home.